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Thank you for visting my blog. When I started this blog, it was just the vehicle for which I had hoped to share photos of our life in Chicagoland with our loved ones, but it has turned into so much more for me. Life is ever evolving in our household and time no longer stands still. Every moment is precious and worthy of being captured and treasured. In addition, through my love of the camera, I have had the opportunity to meet and also capture moments in others' lives. It is my hope, with this blog, that when my memory fails me, the words and photos on this blog will remind of where we were. History...Through My Glass...

Friday, October 5, 2007

hoping for more

A few more shots from Aleah's shoot:

Can you believe that she gets mistaken for a little boy a lot? ...even in pink dresses?

Roan recently has been mentioning his cousins more. It's funny, he calls them all "Ethan" though. That must be his word for "cousin". I feel so guilty for staying here when we could be closer to his grandparents and most of his cousins if we would have just stayed in MN. Roan loves being with his cousins. I swear, he should have been a second child.

Can you tell I have that guilt thing going on a lot? Roan was a surprise. After Choua and I got married, we decided that if it happened, it happened. We didn't know if we would be able to conceive since neither of had experienced a pregnancy that resulfted from either of us. Little did we know that it would happen so quickly. I was having morning sickness on our 1st year anniversary.

We get asked all of the time, when we will try again. I don't know what Choua says and maybe he doesn't get it as much because he's, well, Choua. I've kind of been blaming him, even though I've been saying that "we're not ready". The truth is, it was probably easier for me to say that and blame him than it was to face my own feelings on it.

For as long as I can remember, I've really only wanted two or three. He came into our marriage, thinking four. He kids around with me a lot so I don't know what his real number is, but lately, it's one. I think having a child has limited him more than he thought it would. I think he idealized fatherhood.

Lately, for me, I've been thinking of having more. In fact, everytime, Aunt Flo comes to visit, I feel a little sad that she's here, even though, in my heart, I'm so thankful she showed up. Yesterday, I came to the conclusion that I do really want one or two more. I want Roan to experience having siblings--all of the joys and craziness that comes from it. I mean, I can't imagine life without my siblings.

I used to daydream as a child that I was an only child or a twin. I was embarrassed that I came from such a large family. Of course, I grew up in Appleton, WI and my elemenatry school consisted of one Hmong family...us. Now it feels incomplete when one of us is missing. Six really is not that much when you are adults.

Of course, seeing as I want a late spring or summer baby, it probably won't happen this year. I think Choua and I should actually plan for a child this time.

And then one from Roan's bath because I just love his little bubble goatee.


pakou said...

awww. roan is too cute and yes, i thought your little niece was a boy in the first picture too :-). every one mistaken hannah for a boy when she was a baby and max for a girl :-). i can tell you really want another child. i'm almost there myself too.

Minna said...

those pictures are so cute Kaosong! love them.
i know what you mean about guilt. Max was a surprise too, and although i would love to have more kids & want Max to have siblings (since i also come from a big family), it would be difficult right now for us. i don't want to wait too long, but we would like to be more financially stable & i would like to finish school before having another one. we shall see. we do always get the "when are you guys going to have another one?" question. after awhile, it gets a little tiring.
btw, thanks for the comment on my photo. as for Max's hair, i actually took him to the hair salon to get it cut. i couldn't take it anymore even though i do like the long hair. it was time for a change.

Minna said...

oh yeah, forgot to answer your question on the curved edges of my photos. yeah, i do that in photoshop.

Missy said...

Great pictures, as always. :)

I have been exactly where you are, wondering if I should have more children. I always thought I'd have more than one, but after one I realized how HARD it was (even though I love it). Well, in our case it was opposite, first one planned (we tried and tried for about 6-9 months), the second one was a surprise. Good luck, you'll get it all figured out just perfectly. :)