Frustration with Being Mommy...

It's often bittersweet. I couldn't wait until Roan could roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, and finally talk. I found that each milestone was not only accompanied by relief, but equally, some grief. Even sleeping through the night had it's disadvantages--if I didn't hear him wake up or make a sound, I worried that somehow, something horrible might have happened to him so I worry myself awake for hours.

Yesterday, we went to a late Easter Egg Hunt/Party and Roan kept running out into the road. I was so frustrated with him. Later that evening, as I was watching Extreme Home Makeover, I realized how grateful I should be. The little boy and his dad were both paralyzed from the neck down. I found myself feeling so sad for both of them--the little boy because every little boy should run around and cause trouble and the dad for the obvious but moreso because as a parent, you just want your child to be normal. I don't want to and can't imagine my little active boy still for one minute.

I am so comforted by his love for me. It feels good to be #1. I know that he will never love me like this again, or at least show me like this. It's the best feeling in the world, when I open the door and hear his heavy little feet running down the hallway to greet me. His giggle, his hug...thank you, God. He's my own, real miracle!