me...unabridged
I'm putting myself out there. Someone once said to me that when she turned 30 (I was 25 when she told me this and I stupidly thought that 30 was so much older than I was--rolling eyes at self), she suddenly started to love herself more. I have to honestly say that I've been in my 30's for three years now and I am almost as unsure of myself as I was when I was 25.
The only things I'm sure of are the things that make me question myself more. Being a wife and mother have really made me look at life through different eyes and asking similar questions about myself--the one I want to be--vs. the one that I honestly know that I can be. Of course, it doesn't help that I grew up in a family where perfection was encouraged.
I have this inner discussion with myself daily about accepting that I can't do everything and then I end up mad at myself for not being able to do it all. All it takes for me to realize what's most important is waking up to the sound of your child sleep-laughing loudly from the baby monitor as you feel your husband nestled against your back.
And so now the age old question: does it really matter that I can't keep it together 100% of the time?
I do have to take a moment to mark this down in my personal journey. Last evening, after slight encouragement from my husband, I ran. In fact, I didn't only run...I ran 34 minutes straight. Some of it, I'm sure, was at fast walking pace, but I don't care! I did it! I think it was almost 3 miles. I felt so good. Tomorrow, I plan to run for 36 minutes, which should be 3 miles at a pretty slow pace. I haven't done this in years!
Below: Me...using wrapping paper as my backdrop. Try it...you know you've got tons of it laying around the house. I used self-timer so it's out of focus.
3 comments:
You are an amazing 30 something year old. My questions arises all the time about this quarter life crisis I go through occasionally(seems like daily. I just cannot sum it up in words. But you continue to amaze me, in your writings and thoughts. I hope that when I reach your age, I can be almost as bright you.
I wish you well in your runs. Hang in there you can do it.
I love you sis for writing something so honest and vulnerable! YOU CAN DO IT, YOU DESERVE IT, YOU'RE WORTH THOSE DAMN 36 MINUTES! Running is not easy, I almost had a heart attack running two days ago. Let's get ready for some race during J4 - I think Kaohly mentioned something like that awhile back!
I feel so fresh today!
that's such a creative idea for a background -- never thought of it before. thank you for such a personal entry. I love being in my 30's and like I keep telling everyone I know, the only think i really long for from my twenties is probably my twenty year old body :-).
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