Mom

I want to preface this by saying that this will probably be my most personal post to date. When I write on here, I usually don't do much thinking. I kind of just write, but I have been feeling a need to write about this. If not for the sake of giving my mom credit for raising six great kids and being a better wife than I could ever be, then as a sort of therapy.

When I was in grade school, I entered a contest for a one of those science, PBS-like television shows that we watched during class. It was about my hero. As a 5th grader, I prematurely gave that title to my dad. Not that I don't admire him, but as I look back on my life, the most important lessons I've learned have been through my mom...or at least the ones I should have learned.

I remember feeling such admiration for my father at that age. He was so intelligent, strong, powerful, and easily the most charismatic person alive. He saved my life as an infant. A story for another time. He was all of those things, but only because my mom did such a good job of being those things as well...and so much more. Only, she did it in a manner that drew little attention to herself. So little, in fact, that I completely missed it myself.

She married so young and starting having children immediately. My mom always said that of all of her children, I was the one that she felt she knew the least. The odd thing is that I feel like I don't know her. I wonder if anyone really knows her. She grew up in a time, in which, people kept to themselves. People didn't talk about things so openly as they do now.

Now that I am a wife and mom, I feel so much more connected to her. I still don't know as much as I would hope to, but I see the pain and pleasures in her life through my own experiences as a woman at this stage in my life. When I feel lonely, I feel her even more lonely. When I feel pain, I feel her pain.

Of course, I don't mean to minimize her feelings and the hardships she's been through. I know she has experienced so much in her short 52 years of life and that makes it all the more obvious to me that I have not endured anything remotely as she has. When I am ungrateful or spiteful, I should really be counting my blessings. After all, her sacrifices made my life possible. I know that my dreams are her dreams. She is amazing!

I recently sent her an email about some stresses in my life and she emailed back so humbly that she must not have done something right in raising her children because we are so quick tempered, but I assured her that she did everything right. This I truly believe and struggle with how I can replicate that in my own child rearing.

I miss both of my parents while they are abroad. I pray for your safe return and think about you both multiple times a day.

So, what about that story contest? I was one of the five finalists, but I didn't win.